FROM SANTINIKETAN TO CHARLEVILLE :The Journey of Amartya Banerjee, IRAS

Should anyone go through the following dastan (I can only use the Persian form of storytelling for this), then there’s no great upheavals or tragedy here like the stories of Russian authors. Instead, what I intend the reader to believe is simple

I studied mainly from schools in Kolkata. My first brush with civil services was when my father bought question banks of civil services examination from College Street and kept them in a small wall shelf. I often used to leaf through them, marvelling at the width and depth of the questions asked. However, nobody in my vicinity had any clue about the exam (and they were mostly PhD and Mphil in different subjects, so not an easy crowd ).

The  first sojourn outside my home was to Santiniketan, the abode of Tagore. In many ways (which I realised much later) the University and it’s ethos have shaped me in ways more than one. Santiniketan is a wonderful place to stay, the gardens, the pathways, the forests at the far end, the culture et all. However, the intellectual atmosphere is equally limited, truth be told and it was founded to be exact opposite . Often in conversations with my fellow batchmates, I used to see that the end of their history (to paraphrase Fukuyama in the sense of a climax of their journey) was coming to this University. However, for Tagore who saw the whole  world as his home, this perhaps was an incongruence. I didn’t know what the world had to offer for but it had to be more, so I always thought.

Coming to Delhi after graduation  was perhaps the turning point in my life. The atmosphere, the mode of thinking  was way wider than what I was used to, in terms of career in academics, advocacy, research, govt exams etc.

It was here that I met some people who would go onto to change my life. My passion for civil services was ignited by Ronak Chaudhary (a Rajasthan Administrative Services Officer in his own right today) by his words, his infectious desire to succeed, his imagination for the service. I loved the fact that someone who came from such a humble background (his family had seen grinding poverty and a hand to mouth existence while growing up) could speak and dream of these exalted standards with a desire so restless that it was a sheer pleasure to behold. I too was slowly going towards that path. Little did I know how much of a journey it would take me.

After my post graduation I veered towards academics (being the safe choice preferred by many Bengalis). In the midst of it, the infectious energy of my friend took hold and I started to prepare (after long drawn process of convincing my ageing parents). After the start I realised one thing, the reserves of community experience that my fellow aspirant could draw upon (because the Hindi belt has an obvious head start on us Bengalis in terms of success in this exam), I could not. In an exam such as this dependent upon dollops of luck and modes of writing, more than books and notes, good & solid guidance often makes the critical difference between success and failure. On the top of it, nobody in my batch (both at Visva Bharati and DU) were even mildly interested in this course of a career. Fun fact, genesis of the  Social Work Department in Visva Bharati came in 1963 and in more than five decades of its existence (to the best of my knowledge) very few have attempted and no one had qualified (as of 2012 when I started) this exam.

So, try to imagine, my reader, the plight of a young chap who comes from such a background and trying to crack what is undoubtedly one of India’s toughest and most coveted examination. I felt out of place, in the manner of an Indian in era of the British Raj, standing in front of a club or a restaurant, clearly marked “For Europeans only“. I know that it perhaps is a crude example but I felt precisely like that for reasons relating to both the  place of birth and the educational background I came from. That realisation was made even more stark when I wandered alone in the alleyways of Old Rajinder Nagar and Mukherjee Nagar, meeting people who had given up lucrative careers in top notch companies, educational background in foreign universities etc to come and prepare. The feeling of “am I good enough for this? “ was a constant companion. I am sure many of those who may glance at this article may have felt much the same.

The next few years passed in a daze of giving exams almost every weekend (Bank,SSC,CDS,CAPF,Delhi Metro,Municipal Corporation of Delhi ,Allahabad etc etc). In the midst of this, to support my own endeavours, I started taking up small, part time assignments in different sectors, using a mix of my own writing ability and some contacts. These provided some economic cushion in the scenario where failure in exam was rapidly becoming more routine than the mere act of breathing. As the family situation worsened due to certain illnesses & my father retiring the reality became more grim. This was  compounded more as a result of me not qualifying any exam thus far. Thus, prudence dictated that I get a job.

In 2014, I took up a permanent job as a senior research assistant in an organisation. I still recall, reading Vision IAS while standing in the coach of a Delhi metro all the way to Jangpura Metro station and the same being repeated on the way back. Coming back after a hard day and gobbling up food while browsing through the days’ newspaper,  fighting for autos at the crowded GTB Nagar metro, feeling exalted about saving five bucks &  walking back to my rented place, reading the latest article of The Hindu while standing in queues became the small joys of life. The job also gave me scope to travel to various parts of North and North Western India (a fact which I drew on heavily later) where I grew acquainted myself with cultures and customs much different from my home, nearly 2000 kms away.

In late 2014, my luck finally turned for a bit. I qualified for the Mains of the West Bengal Civil Services exam. I took some time off to give the mains and somehow scraped through. I qualified the exam and was allotted the Food & Supplies Department by mid 2016.

Anyone else, given the journey they have had, they may have stopped and I for one, would not judge them at all. However, something in me told me to go on and make one final try for UPSC. It’s worth mentioning that I had given four attempts of UPSC till then and had failed to clear even the preliminary. So, when my lady luck finally smiled on me in the 2016 prelims, I was elated.

I remember facing one of the toughest choices of my life then. I realised that I would not be able to give the exam being in the state civil services as I wouldn’t be allowed to take a brief sabbatical much needed before mains & this was critical given the cut throat competition.

Here, I would like to digress for a bit to address one issue I have faced repeatedly. West Bengal, for whatever reason has a love-hate relationship with this exam and the officers it produces. It loves and has immense respect for the power and authority that the All India or Central Service officers command and vast responsibilities they shoulder. Yet simultaneously, the encouragement given to youngsters who aspire to this position, is scarce and in fact in many cases (learnt through personal experience & anecdotal evidence from fellow aspirants) they’re positively discouraged and obstacles put in their path. The reasons are multiple and too  complex to discuss here but it’s a fact and one that hurt me at that juncture.

Whereas the same is not the case for other states, which puts the aspirants from West Bengal at an obvious disadvantage. As a result, it shows up starkly in the final pdf listing the recommended candidates, where, as compared to the population of the state and the immense capabilities of the young women and men of Bengal the representation is shockingly low.

I had to take the hard decision of taking an unauthorised leave from the service and preparing for the 2016 UPSC Mains, staking it all on that exam, a real do or die.

As it would come to pass, that gamble paid off and some months later, I was standing in front of the Charleville Estate in Mussoorie, high up in the sylvan mountains of Uttarakhand. I was in fact, in front of an institution, that only two summers ago, on a sort of a pilgrimage tour (that indeed was the level of passion) saw me and a coterie of aspirants looking  on as silent tears flowed by our cheeks as we gazed at the campus. It  appeared so near and yet so far. I refer of course to the Lal Bahadur Shastri National Academy of Administration, or as it’s fondly called LBSNAA. That’s my story in a nutshell.

The obvious takeaways I would like to share to anyone who has or will be in position similar to mine are –

• Don’t be discouraged by failures. My score card of all competitive exams , at the end of the journey came to 97 failures out of 103 attempts. If one can do the math, then that should encourage you. Pick yourself up and go forth again and again.
• Even if one is not a fan of books and films, do inculcate a habit of reading and watching. Apart from the literary qualities, it also gives you a ton of relaxation and inspiration. I can still hear the beats of the title of Lakshya and till today it fills me with sense of mission. If you attempt this examination with all your heart, cracking it should be a mission and not a passing fad. Others include The Last Samurai, Forrest Gump etc
• Don’t put the pressure of the world over yourself. It’s an exam and it should be handled as such and not as a life threatening situation. Often, it may come to such a juncture but as this pandemic has shown us, your mental health and balance is as much necessary as your physical health.
• No matter where you come from, whether  IIT/IIM/ Harvard or Stanford, this exam is a great equalizer. I still remember feeling a sense of pride being the only person from my university amongst nearly 400 of the nation’s best and brightest in that auditorium in LBSNAA.  Mind you, Visva Bharati was founded in 1921, way before many of the tallest institutions today. The sense of inferiority, often endemic in aspirants before the interview should not cross your mind. If you possess the qualities and are able to voice them on whatever medium you are comfortable in, you are in with a fair chance.
• Don’t stop dreaming. I don’t know who said it but Dreaming is what makes life worth living, this quote has driven me relentlessly. Whatever be your dream, whichever service or job, dream of it and don’t let anyone take that away from you. The world belongs to dreamers, remember John Lennon .
• Have a group of friends. We aspirants often try to do things on our own, in isolation. Having friends and buddies helps.  I wouldn’t be here today had it not been for friends like Ronak Choudhary, Subhash Dhaka, Narendra Singh Rao & of course a girl who is now my life long companion. These names  wouldn’t matter to any other person but for me, their contribution, their love and immense belief in me (sometimes even more than I believed in myself) took me from the edge of an abyss to here today.

Amartya Banerjee is an IRAS officer of 2017 batch, presently posted as Senior Financial Adviser (Traffic), Northern Railway HQ.